Enemy Mere!

4 Jan

Update 01/04/2010: As rightly pointed out by Megz, Pooja and Abhishek, I counted the words instead of the syllables. I have modified the poem for the syllable count.

It has been a long time since I tried some format of poetry. A very dear friend and the most prolific blogger of all times, Megzy is one person who always dabbles with a variety of styles of poems. Her Haikus are especially popular. In her recent post, she has tried out what is called an Etheree.

The form of poetry consists of 10 lines of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10syllables.  Etheree can also be reversed and written 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.  Get creative and write an Etheree with more than one verse, but follow suit with an inverted syllable count.

Reversed Etheree:  10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

Double Etheree:  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/etheree.html

You can check out her latest post about how blissful her tea-time is to her here!

I visited a battle ship recently and a submarine today. For the obvious to happen, my train of thoughts took me to imagine what would a sailor be thinking while getting aboard his voyage towards victory – a victory over the enemy lines or is there an inexplicable expanse of inevitable challenges?

Here is my amateur attempt at writing an Etheree which has carved its way out of my fairly innocuous thoughts.

Waves,

Strong waves!

Sails breathed rage,

Storm didn’t abate.

They charged back with pluck,

Though the sea ran amuck.

No refrain, ahead they strode,

Every mile, their valor showed.

Marine bound outward, for the big kill – overbear,

Oblivious – Fought the enemy mere!


P.S: The picture is of a painting put up on display at the San Jacinto monument museum near Houston where the first battle of Texas was fought. The photograph has been captured by yours truly 😛

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14 Responses to “Enemy Mere!”

  1. megzone January 4, 2011 at 4:29 am #

    oiieeeeee
    u tried it already 🙄
    waise naa chotu chotu mistakes hai 😕
    u havent concentrated on the syllable counts i guess 😦
    syllable counts chahiye word counts nai 😥
    gadbad kardi naa 😳

    teacher ka punishment hai ke firse try karo and is baar syllables count karo 😈
    use http://www.haikuwithteeth.com/ to count ur syllables 😉
    and show me ur new poem again 😀

  2. megzone January 4, 2011 at 4:33 am #

    but maaaannn i loved ur poem 😀
    masssttt ekdum fataaaaangggggg bole toh rapchikkk :mrgreen:
    and i see as usual u used the aabbcc rhyme format 😀
    that seems to be ur fave eh 😉

  3. Pooja Mayadeo January 4, 2011 at 5:34 am #

    Hey…Mast ahe…Can’t help pointing out ki two syllables waala line is missing…I cant write a line to save my life…So I have no right to comment tho! 😛
    And btw…Loved ur friend Megz’s poem..Naaice!

  4. Abhishek January 4, 2011 at 11:57 am #

    Awesome! Don’t tell me that’s what you were doing when I was cooking 🙂

    Isn’t Etheree supposed to be on the syllables’ count? Etheree or no etheree, this was too good 🙂

    • megz January 4, 2011 at 1:12 pm #

      Perfectly pointed out abhishek I guess the aroma of ur cooking managed to confound him enuff to goof up words n syllables 😈

  5. megzone January 4, 2011 at 9:29 pm #

    Nice attempt at improvising on the written one… The second last line shud hv 9syllables though whereas urs is 12….
    I know it’s difficult to find the right words which match the syllable count n protect the meaning of the lines… (albeit maybe not in the word list of mr. Dictionary :mrgreen: )
    So keeping these in mind my personal opinion would be please write a fresh poem keeping the syllable count in mind…
    And knowing you m sure you would do an awesome work..
    Cheers! a

    • Himanshu January 4, 2011 at 11:19 pm #

      @ Megzy
      First of all, thanks for pointing out my mistake. I really enjoyed trying out format poetry which of course you are a master of.
      This just proves how tiny my brain is and even more, how erratic it behaves when the smell of good food fills up my nostrils 😛
      Anyway, I think the second last line does have 9 syllables. I even checked it with the website you gave me. Can you check once again and tell me?
      I will certainly take a stab at it once again as you have suggested though.
      Thanks a tonne pal. Cheers! 🙂

  6. Himanshu January 4, 2011 at 11:25 pm #

    @ Pooja
    As I mentioned even on FB, I am so so happy to have friends like you to point out the fallacies so that I can learn and improve. Let me know how you like the updated version..

    @ AB
    The food you cooked man! I am ready to make a zillion such mistakes for that food..
    Thanks for the encouragement. Let me know how you like the updated version.. 🙂

  7. megzone January 5, 2011 at 2:22 am #

    surprisingly merko bhi 9 syllable bataayinggg 😦
    stupid thing..
    but my experience in syllable counting gves me 12 🙄
    here let me break it down for you

    Marine bound outward, for the big kill – overbear,
    ma-rine bount out-ward for the big kill o-ver-bear

    ab count karo aur batao kitne aaye 😳

    • Himanshu January 5, 2011 at 6:36 pm #

      point taken!
      I better give it another shot.. 🙂

      • megzone January 5, 2011 at 9:11 pm #

        Eeeeeeeeeeeee….. 😀
        One more poem one more poem :mrgreen:
        Absolutely Loooking fwd to it….

      • Himanshu January 6, 2011 at 2:51 am #

        Thanks megzy! Let me see when do I come up with one!

        Sent from my iPhone

  8. megzone January 6, 2011 at 2:13 pm #

    NP…
    Take ur time but I wud prefer if u cud do it at the earliest…
    Jab lohaa garam ho toh hathoda maar hi dena chahiye 😉
    Wassay???? :mrgreen:

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Flakes and Flurries « Through the Looking Glass.. - January 9, 2011

    […] the previous fiasco at writing an Etheree, I am finally trying my hand at it again. Thanks Megz for the encouragement […]

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