Update 01/04/2010: As rightly pointed out by Megz, Pooja and Abhishek, I counted the words instead of the syllables. I have modified the poem for the syllable count.
It has been a long time since I tried some format of poetry. A very dear friend and the most prolific blogger of all times, Megzy is one person who always dabbles with a variety of styles of poems. Her Haikus are especially popular. In her recent post, she has tried out what is called an Etheree.
The form of poetry consists of 10 lines of 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10syllables. Etheree can also be reversed and written 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Get creative and write an Etheree with more than one verse, but follow suit with an inverted syllable count.
Reversed Etheree: 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Double Etheree: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 10, 9, 8, 7, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
http://www.shadowpoetry.com/resources/wip/etheree.html
You can check out her latest post about how blissful her tea-time is to her here!
I visited a battle ship recently and a submarine today. For the obvious to happen, my train of thoughts took me to imagine what would a sailor be thinking while getting aboard his voyage towards victory – a victory over the enemy lines or is there an inexplicable expanse of inevitable challenges?
Here is my amateur attempt at writing an Etheree which has carved its way out of my fairly innocuous thoughts.
Waves,
Strong waves!
Sails breathed rage,
Storm didn’t abate.
They charged back with pluck,
Though the sea ran amuck.
No refrain, ahead they strode,
Every mile, their valor showed.
Marine bound outward, for the big kill – overbear,
Oblivious – Fought the enemy mere!
P.S: The picture is of a painting put up on display at the San Jacinto monument museum near Houston where the first battle of Texas was fought. The photograph has been captured by yours truly 
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Tags: battleship, dancing waves, enemy mere, overbear, poems, san jacinto painting photo, submarine
oiieeeeee
u tried it already
waise naa chotu chotu mistakes hai
u havent concentrated on the syllable counts i guess
syllable counts chahiye word counts nai
gadbad kardi naa
teacher ka punishment hai ke firse try karo and is baar syllables count karo
use http://www.haikuwithteeth.com/ to count ur syllables
and show me ur new poem again
but maaaannn i loved ur poem
masssttt ekdum fataaaaangggggg bole toh rapchikkk
and i see as usual u used the aabbcc rhyme format
that seems to be ur fave eh
Hey…Mast ahe…Can’t help pointing out ki two syllables waala line is missing…I cant write a line to save my life…So I have no right to comment tho!
And btw…Loved ur friend Megz’s poem..Naaice!
Awesome! Don’t tell me that’s what you were doing when I was cooking
Isn’t Etheree supposed to be on the syllables’ count? Etheree or no etheree, this was too good
Perfectly pointed out abhishek I guess the aroma of ur cooking managed to confound him enuff to goof up words n syllables
Nice attempt at improvising on the written one… The second last line shud hv 9syllables though whereas urs is 12….
)
I know it’s difficult to find the right words which match the syllable count n protect the meaning of the lines… (albeit maybe not in the word list of mr. Dictionary
So keeping these in mind my personal opinion would be please write a fresh poem keeping the syllable count in mind…
And knowing you m sure you would do an awesome work..
Cheers! a
@ Megzy
First of all, thanks for pointing out my mistake. I really enjoyed trying out format poetry which of course you are a master of.
This just proves how tiny my brain is and even more, how erratic it behaves when the smell of good food fills up my nostrils
Anyway, I think the second last line does have 9 syllables. I even checked it with the website you gave me. Can you check once again and tell me?
I will certainly take a stab at it once again as you have suggested though.
Thanks a tonne pal. Cheers!
@ Pooja
As I mentioned even on FB, I am so so happy to have friends like you to point out the fallacies so that I can learn and improve. Let me know how you like the updated version..
@ AB
The food you cooked man! I am ready to make a zillion such mistakes for that food..
Thanks for the encouragement. Let me know how you like the updated version..
surprisingly merko bhi 9 syllable bataayinggg
stupid thing..
but my experience in syllable counting gves me 12
here let me break it down for you
Marine bound outward, for the big kill – overbear,
ma-rine bount out-ward for the big kill o-ver-bear
ab count karo aur batao kitne aaye
point taken!
I better give it another shot..
Eeeeeeeeeeeee…..
One more poem one more poem
Absolutely Loooking fwd to it….
Thanks megzy! Let me see when do I come up with one!
Sent from my iPhone
NP…
Take ur time but I wud prefer if u cud do it at the earliest…
Jab lohaa garam ho toh hathoda maar hi dena chahiye
Wassay????